I CAN TOP THAT
I Can Top That
10 min Play
© Sherman K. Poultney 28 Feb 1990
Scene:
Dante is overhearing a conversation in Limbo between Khafre and Richard Nixon.
Characters:
Khafre …………….Pharaoh of IVth Dynasty in Egypt (c. 2650 B.C.)
Richard Nixon……..37th President of USA (c. 1974 A.D.)
Synopsis:
Khafre and Richard Nixon participate in a game of one-ups-man-ship based on their experiences
of leading great nations.
NIXON
You look familiar. Where have we met before?
KHAFRE
We've never met before. Have you ever been to Egypt?
NIXON
Several times. Cairo. Aswan.
KHAFRE
How about Gizeh? The Sphinx.
NIXON
The Sphinx. That's it. You look like the Sphinx.
I Can Top That (cont) page 2 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
You mean the Sphinx looks like me. I built it.
NIXON
You also built the great pyramid, didn't you? I envy you. I was never able to erect such a monument.
KHAFRE
No, my father Khufu started the great pyramid. I completed it after his death. It was built in only 23 years.
NIXON
What an undertaking!
KHAFRE
Only the beginning. I conceived the idea for the rest of the pyramid complex at Gizeh and then carried it out starting with my pyramid.
NIXON
Which one is that?
KAHFRE
The middle one.
NIXON
But it's smaller than your father's. Why's that?
I Can Top That (cont) page 3 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Many reasons; the size of the Gizeh plateau, the small quarries, but mainly wanting to finish the whole complex while I was still alive.
NIXON
How did you ever finance and organize such an undertaking?
KHAFRE
We had a very rich economy in my years. No foreign wars. The aristocracy had more wealth than they knew what to do with. The poor barely subsisted. I taxed the rich and put the poor to work building at Gizeh.
NIXON
Sounds like my years of the 3rd Republican dynasty that I founded; except for the war. I didn't tax the rich, but I did want to get the poor working for the welfare they got. I called it workfare.
KHAFRE
It always helps to have a concept, doesn't it? I told my people that from my tomb health and good fortune would flow out to them.
NIXON
They thought you a god, didn't they? How times have changed.
KHAFRE
I thought so, too. I really wanted to build my palace of the sun where I would live in splendor forever.
I Can Top That (cont) page 4 of 10 pages
NIXON
You got the same surprise I did, didn't you?
KHAFRE
Yes, but our present arrangements here could be much worse you know.
NIXON
Don't remind me. Ho Chi Minh does it all the time. Tell me about you grand plan for Gizeh.
KHAFRE
The plan was relatively straightforward. It was the execution that was difficult.
NIXON
I know what you mean.
KHAFRE
You understand hieroglyphics, don't you?
NIXON
I have some books on the subject in my Presidential Library. And the reporters always accused me of using them to answer questions at news conferences.
KHAFRE
You know what the glyph for heaven, the home of the gods, don't you?
NIXON
Sure, but why don't you remind me.
I Can Top That (cont) page 5 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Heaven is where Ra the sun god goes when he sets. The glyph is a picture of the sun setting between two hills in the west.
NIXON
What has that got to do with your grand plan?
KHAFRE
Simple. I laid out the Gizeh complex so that pilgrims coming up from the port on the Nile or standing in the first temple would see the sun setting behind the pyramids. It would look like Ra was joining me in heaven.
NIXON
That doesn't sound all that esoteric.
KHAFRE
Ah, now comes the cleverness. During the seasons, the sun moves north and south behind the pyramids.
NIXON
I never noticed that.
KHAFRE
And at the solstices, it would set between the three pyramids.
NIXON
I see, just like the glyph. The sun setting between two pyramids.
I Can Top That (cont) page 6 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Yes, but at both equinoxes the sun would set just at the edge of my pyramid. The rays would come down the approach road, pass right by the south side of the sphinx, and enter my temple. It would illuminate my statue in silhouette at its side.
NIXON
A very clever scheme. You involved cosmic motions. I didn't know you Egyptians were so clever.
KHAFRE
Thank you. You have a good mind for such things.
NIXON
I often thought about perpetual memorials, too. But the world has changed since 3000 B.C.
KHAFRE
2651.
NIXON
Oh! How did you ever get all those stones in the right places to coincide with those motions of the heavens? Your father's pyramid alone covers 13 acres and is over 482 ft high.
KHAFRE
Our technology. We could survey exactly with our measuring and sighting devices.
NIXON
I'm glad you have an appreciation for technology. I think it’s time I told you about 20th century, A.D. that is, technology and my grand scheme. Don't think you have the corner on everything.
I Can Top That (cont) page 7 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
There's little new under the sun, but give it a try. I’m all ears.
NIXON
We developed the technology to go to the moon and actually placed a man on the moon.
KHAFRE
That's almost unimaginable. But why the moon, that female body? Why not the sun?
NIXON
You Arabs are so arrogant. Just because you made the Seventh Wonder of the World doesn't mean you know everything. The sun is too far away and too hot.
KHAFRE
Next thing you'll tell is that the moon is closer. And I couldn’t live on the sun.
NIXON
Precisely, and not only that, but I can top your story of your monument.
KHAFRE
Go ahead and try.
NIXON
What with our capability to go to the moon and my need to put my name in history, I conceived of a grand plan, too.
KHAFRE
What was it?
I Can Top That (cont) page 8 of 10 pages
NIXON
I always sought peace for my country and the world.
KHAFRE
Haven't we all.
NIXON
Perhaps. My concept was to use our space technology to write PEACE across the face of the moon. To remind everyone of that goal.
KHAFRE
That really would top me, wouldn't it?
NIXON
You bet it would. Once in place on the moon, those letters would never be destroyed. Your pyramids will eventually erode down to nothing. Like your Sphinx is doing. My letters would be there on the moon until the whole solar system is no more.
KHAFRE
You would come closer to eternity than I did. But what happened? I can't see PEACE across the moon.
NIXON
That's where execution comes in. Obviously you were great at it and I wasn't.
KHAFRE
What happened?
I Can Top That (cont) page 9 of 10 pages
NIXON
Someone found out my real plan. We had a much more open society than you. Washington leaked like a sieve. Reporters. Newspapers. Television.
KHAFRE
I don't understand. Didn't you just tell me your plan?
NIXON
Almost, except for one final part. PEACE has five letters in it just like NIXON.
KHAFRE
Pretty tricky Dick.
NIXON
Ouch.
KHAFRE
I see what you were going to do. Place NIXON across the face of the moon so your name would live forever. Your own glyph. I admire your scale of thought.
NIXON
I'm honored, to be sure. I was so elated at the prospect. Until someone leaked the X of the secret plan. There was no X in peace. The public outcry grew too great. I tried to convince them that I was merely economizing by using the Latin word for PEACE.
KHAFRE
PAX, you mean.
I Can Top That (cont) page 10 of 10 pages
NIXON
Yes, but our nation of semi-literates had never learned Latin. I could not persuade them of my good intentions. I had to settle for scratching my name on the Great Wall of China.
KHAFRE
Your memorial would certainly have topped mine if you had succeeded.
NIXON
When it comes to men, there's not much new under the sun, is there Khaf?
KHAFRE
Only in how we do it, Dick, only in how we do it.
NIXON
By the way, when did you learn Latin?
KHAFRE
Pope John the 23rd taught me.
THE END
10 min Play
© Sherman K. Poultney 28 Feb 1990
Scene:
Dante is overhearing a conversation in Limbo between Khafre and Richard Nixon.
Characters:
Khafre …………….Pharaoh of IVth Dynasty in Egypt (c. 2650 B.C.)
Richard Nixon……..37th President of USA (c. 1974 A.D.)
Synopsis:
Khafre and Richard Nixon participate in a game of one-ups-man-ship based on their experiences
of leading great nations.
NIXON
You look familiar. Where have we met before?
KHAFRE
We've never met before. Have you ever been to Egypt?
NIXON
Several times. Cairo. Aswan.
KHAFRE
How about Gizeh? The Sphinx.
NIXON
The Sphinx. That's it. You look like the Sphinx.
I Can Top That (cont) page 2 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
You mean the Sphinx looks like me. I built it.
NIXON
You also built the great pyramid, didn't you? I envy you. I was never able to erect such a monument.
KHAFRE
No, my father Khufu started the great pyramid. I completed it after his death. It was built in only 23 years.
NIXON
What an undertaking!
KHAFRE
Only the beginning. I conceived the idea for the rest of the pyramid complex at Gizeh and then carried it out starting with my pyramid.
NIXON
Which one is that?
KAHFRE
The middle one.
NIXON
But it's smaller than your father's. Why's that?
I Can Top That (cont) page 3 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Many reasons; the size of the Gizeh plateau, the small quarries, but mainly wanting to finish the whole complex while I was still alive.
NIXON
How did you ever finance and organize such an undertaking?
KHAFRE
We had a very rich economy in my years. No foreign wars. The aristocracy had more wealth than they knew what to do with. The poor barely subsisted. I taxed the rich and put the poor to work building at Gizeh.
NIXON
Sounds like my years of the 3rd Republican dynasty that I founded; except for the war. I didn't tax the rich, but I did want to get the poor working for the welfare they got. I called it workfare.
KHAFRE
It always helps to have a concept, doesn't it? I told my people that from my tomb health and good fortune would flow out to them.
NIXON
They thought you a god, didn't they? How times have changed.
KHAFRE
I thought so, too. I really wanted to build my palace of the sun where I would live in splendor forever.
I Can Top That (cont) page 4 of 10 pages
NIXON
You got the same surprise I did, didn't you?
KHAFRE
Yes, but our present arrangements here could be much worse you know.
NIXON
Don't remind me. Ho Chi Minh does it all the time. Tell me about you grand plan for Gizeh.
KHAFRE
The plan was relatively straightforward. It was the execution that was difficult.
NIXON
I know what you mean.
KHAFRE
You understand hieroglyphics, don't you?
NIXON
I have some books on the subject in my Presidential Library. And the reporters always accused me of using them to answer questions at news conferences.
KHAFRE
You know what the glyph for heaven, the home of the gods, don't you?
NIXON
Sure, but why don't you remind me.
I Can Top That (cont) page 5 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Heaven is where Ra the sun god goes when he sets. The glyph is a picture of the sun setting between two hills in the west.
NIXON
What has that got to do with your grand plan?
KHAFRE
Simple. I laid out the Gizeh complex so that pilgrims coming up from the port on the Nile or standing in the first temple would see the sun setting behind the pyramids. It would look like Ra was joining me in heaven.
NIXON
That doesn't sound all that esoteric.
KHAFRE
Ah, now comes the cleverness. During the seasons, the sun moves north and south behind the pyramids.
NIXON
I never noticed that.
KHAFRE
And at the solstices, it would set between the three pyramids.
NIXON
I see, just like the glyph. The sun setting between two pyramids.
I Can Top That (cont) page 6 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
Yes, but at both equinoxes the sun would set just at the edge of my pyramid. The rays would come down the approach road, pass right by the south side of the sphinx, and enter my temple. It would illuminate my statue in silhouette at its side.
NIXON
A very clever scheme. You involved cosmic motions. I didn't know you Egyptians were so clever.
KHAFRE
Thank you. You have a good mind for such things.
NIXON
I often thought about perpetual memorials, too. But the world has changed since 3000 B.C.
KHAFRE
2651.
NIXON
Oh! How did you ever get all those stones in the right places to coincide with those motions of the heavens? Your father's pyramid alone covers 13 acres and is over 482 ft high.
KHAFRE
Our technology. We could survey exactly with our measuring and sighting devices.
NIXON
I'm glad you have an appreciation for technology. I think it’s time I told you about 20th century, A.D. that is, technology and my grand scheme. Don't think you have the corner on everything.
I Can Top That (cont) page 7 of 10 pages
KHAFRE
There's little new under the sun, but give it a try. I’m all ears.
NIXON
We developed the technology to go to the moon and actually placed a man on the moon.
KHAFRE
That's almost unimaginable. But why the moon, that female body? Why not the sun?
NIXON
You Arabs are so arrogant. Just because you made the Seventh Wonder of the World doesn't mean you know everything. The sun is too far away and too hot.
KHAFRE
Next thing you'll tell is that the moon is closer. And I couldn’t live on the sun.
NIXON
Precisely, and not only that, but I can top your story of your monument.
KHAFRE
Go ahead and try.
NIXON
What with our capability to go to the moon and my need to put my name in history, I conceived of a grand plan, too.
KHAFRE
What was it?
I Can Top That (cont) page 8 of 10 pages
NIXON
I always sought peace for my country and the world.
KHAFRE
Haven't we all.
NIXON
Perhaps. My concept was to use our space technology to write PEACE across the face of the moon. To remind everyone of that goal.
KHAFRE
That really would top me, wouldn't it?
NIXON
You bet it would. Once in place on the moon, those letters would never be destroyed. Your pyramids will eventually erode down to nothing. Like your Sphinx is doing. My letters would be there on the moon until the whole solar system is no more.
KHAFRE
You would come closer to eternity than I did. But what happened? I can't see PEACE across the moon.
NIXON
That's where execution comes in. Obviously you were great at it and I wasn't.
KHAFRE
What happened?
I Can Top That (cont) page 9 of 10 pages
NIXON
Someone found out my real plan. We had a much more open society than you. Washington leaked like a sieve. Reporters. Newspapers. Television.
KHAFRE
I don't understand. Didn't you just tell me your plan?
NIXON
Almost, except for one final part. PEACE has five letters in it just like NIXON.
KHAFRE
Pretty tricky Dick.
NIXON
Ouch.
KHAFRE
I see what you were going to do. Place NIXON across the face of the moon so your name would live forever. Your own glyph. I admire your scale of thought.
NIXON
I'm honored, to be sure. I was so elated at the prospect. Until someone leaked the X of the secret plan. There was no X in peace. The public outcry grew too great. I tried to convince them that I was merely economizing by using the Latin word for PEACE.
KHAFRE
PAX, you mean.
I Can Top That (cont) page 10 of 10 pages
NIXON
Yes, but our nation of semi-literates had never learned Latin. I could not persuade them of my good intentions. I had to settle for scratching my name on the Great Wall of China.
KHAFRE
Your memorial would certainly have topped mine if you had succeeded.
NIXON
When it comes to men, there's not much new under the sun, is there Khaf?
KHAFRE
Only in how we do it, Dick, only in how we do it.
NIXON
By the way, when did you learn Latin?
KHAFRE
Pope John the 23rd taught me.
THE END
posted by skip at 12:55 PM
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